Short #1

[lucytayler]

Author Name: Lucy T
Story Title: Short #1
Genre: romance
Rating: half star
Synopsis:


There was silence between the two. They were like complete strangers having a starring competition. Elana blinked and slowly relaxed her shoulders.
"What do you want?" she asked him sadly.
"What do I want?" He replied "I want to kiss you" he swallowed
Elana stood in silence, with her lips trembling and her knuckles tightening. This is what she had been waiting for, for so long, but now she wanted revenge.
"Why" she insisted "Why the hell would you do this to me! Why did you have be to here, and make me fall in love with you, and then pretend you don't like me - AND THEN, Tell me you want to kiss me?!"
Sam thought about it. "Because I've loved you since before we ever met, and I always thought you didn't like me. I didn't know that you loved me, let alone liked me"
They both wanted to say so much, but at the same time didn't want to say a thing.
"Don't expect me to know how to make your pain go away" Elana said concerned.
"I don't.. I wouldn't.. I'm here.. to take away your pain" Sam replied.
Elana closed her eyes and felt the cool breeze crawl up her spine and tug at strands of hair from the back of her head.
"Go on" She exclaimed, opening her eyes "You have one kiss, and then we'll see what happens next"
Sam smiled faintly and looked at their feet. He looked back up to see Elana leaned foward with her eyes closed and lips relaxed. She was alert and waiting the soft touch of his lips on hers. She thougth about every guy she had ever had a crush on, and how she once wished they had been the one she was waiting for. She had Sam's face printed across her mind, and even with her eyes closed, she could see him moving his face closer to hers. She breathed in and shivered. Then ever so slowly leaned a little bit closer to him.
Elana could swear she felt his breath on her cheek, and the warmth of his skin growing nearer. But never did Elana experience that kiss. She stood frozen there for twenty minutes, but as time moved on, so did her hopes of a future with Sam. A tear raced from her closed eyes, down her cheek and onto her coat. She knew what to expect when she open her eyes - she knew he had left over fifteen minues ago - so she didn't she just stood there. Eyes closed awaiting that kiss.

[stobsy]

Lovely intimate description of the expected kiss, Lucy. But poor Elana! She should slap Sam the next time she sees him..! And kudos for posting the first piece of prose on the forum, hopefully we'll see more soon, keep writing for us!

[Jvaughn Duggan]

a good short story and substantial evidence of compassion but might I comment that some of the texts were somewhat unoriginal and perhaps inclining one to think of it as corny or cheap. Your planning on it was most definitely little, your grammar was average and I must say that your spelling was appalling. Proof read, my friend, proof read. But don't let these comments discourage you. Continue writing, for it is one of the few things that can carry our name through the ages.

[lucytayler]

unoriginal?
pfft what the fuck ever..
im not a fucking writer, as if im gonna plan a story, that's not the way my brain works.

[Payrune]

Romance isn't really my thing but I liked the lonely, emptiness there was at the end. It was also more realistic and not like the happy ending teenage love movies you often see...yuck. But good job on this.

[Shinobi-Iri (nick)]

Wow, I'm impressed...that was a good story.

Here at PWG, we do accept writers of all skill levels, because we're all working together to better ourselves right? Lucy, although Jvaughn is correct to some degree about your punctuation/spelling etc. it matters very little. It just means you might have to spend a little bit more time proofreading and checking, hell we all do.

But I disagree about the unoriginality, one could argue that because she's taken the time to write her own story about characters never used before, her story is actually quite original.

[lucytayler]

funny story, right...
im at work and i can hear this scratching noise. I moved around the shop and eventually decided the sound was coming from inside the wall, behind the buckets and pots, under the bench holding the stereo.
everytime i moved closer to listen, the noise would stop.
I asked the girl working with me if she could hear it too? but all she could hear was static on the radio.
so an hour or two went by and this scratching noise was just growing more and more on my nerves; making me paranoid.
i'd just completed a bunch of flowers (i work in a florist by the way), so i grab a pot to fill with water for the bunch to sit in... and inside the pot is this 10 inch lizard. it was farking huge, and it had been trying to climb up the pot but couldnt get its claws into the plastic!!
I picked up the pot and took it to my boss. with a big smile on my face, i showed him what was inside the pot. he was confused why i had a lizard. but i explained to him "it's been paranoiing me" - that's actually all i wanted to say
I made up a word because i started the sentance wrong, but <u>he knew what i meant</u>, so no problem. i know you all like your sentace structure and spelling etc etc. but yeah.. im not that fussy

[madkill]

Nice Story, I likes it.
Ending of it, so unexpected.

[Shinobi-Iri (nick)]

Well done Lucy, doesn't finishing long-running stories feel great?