Post by Payrune on Nov 16, 2008 16:31:04 GMT -5
This is part of a project I did in my English class, which was supposed to be about failed relationships. I actually made a cartoon to go along with it, but I left it at school. If I ever get it back I'll try and get synriu to scan and send them to me. Anyway, I hardly EVER do poetry, and this is really cheesy... At first we wanted it to be funny, then somewhat sad and have someone die, but the teacher said we shouldn't kill people off so...yeah, it all pretty much got jumbled up into a big mess. I'm posting it here though because I feel I need to contribute more to the site. I hardly ever do anything but comics...
God, it is so cheesy and cliche. lol I also have two versions: mine and the one I did for school.
Original version
Fallen Angel
I remember it like it was yesterday, the very first time I saw you
Sittin' in the coffee shop all alone, lookin' so lonely and blue
You were drinkin' your double lotte', flippin' through a magazine
Your dark blond hair hangin' against your shoulders, your frame small and lean
You had the sad eyes of an angel, and lips as red as blood
Like some kind of worn out movie star, your expression as motionless as wood
What could make a woman of such beauty, so very very sad, I wondered
And as I stood there with my umbrella in the rain, I thought hard and pondered
And then without warning, you looked right at me
Not a look of shock or disgust, like you'd give a peeping tom
But one of sadness and need, like an upset child would give it's mom
Giving in to my feelings, and your obvious cry for help
I entered and took a seat next to you, asking if you were well
For the first time a smile appeared on that angel-like face
Looking up at me uncertainly, catching each others' gaze
And from that day on, I never saw you shed another tear
For it seemed as long as we were always together, there was nothing to fear
But then came that fateful, sunny day in May
I was sitting in the theater, watching one of your plays
Dressed like an angel, wings sprouting from your back
When suddenly, out of nowhere, you fell and collapsed
[glow=red,2,300]The doctor said it was cancer, and you'd had it ever since last year in June
When we first met, on that rainy afternoon[/glow]
The one I did for school continues, but without the above stanza, and instead continues with the following
Sitting in the hospital, along came the nurse
She said they found drugs in your system, and then I found it in your purse
My heart could not believe it, how you could keep something like that from me
Sitting there, confused, filled with uncertainty
So they hauled you off to rehab, where we might never see each other again
Leaving me all alone, with no one, not even a friend
And when you finally got out, we all thought you were clean
You moved back in with me, until one day you were nowhere to be seen
Everything was gone; my clothes, the furniture, even the TV
You disappeared forever
Good job, woman, you really tricked me
I don't mind honest criticism. I know the sentences are a little too long for poem material, but it was free-form more than anything and I just tried to go with the flow.
God, it is so cheesy and cliche. lol I also have two versions: mine and the one I did for school.
Original version
Fallen Angel
I remember it like it was yesterday, the very first time I saw you
Sittin' in the coffee shop all alone, lookin' so lonely and blue
You were drinkin' your double lotte', flippin' through a magazine
Your dark blond hair hangin' against your shoulders, your frame small and lean
You had the sad eyes of an angel, and lips as red as blood
Like some kind of worn out movie star, your expression as motionless as wood
What could make a woman of such beauty, so very very sad, I wondered
And as I stood there with my umbrella in the rain, I thought hard and pondered
And then without warning, you looked right at me
Not a look of shock or disgust, like you'd give a peeping tom
But one of sadness and need, like an upset child would give it's mom
Giving in to my feelings, and your obvious cry for help
I entered and took a seat next to you, asking if you were well
For the first time a smile appeared on that angel-like face
Looking up at me uncertainly, catching each others' gaze
And from that day on, I never saw you shed another tear
For it seemed as long as we were always together, there was nothing to fear
But then came that fateful, sunny day in May
I was sitting in the theater, watching one of your plays
Dressed like an angel, wings sprouting from your back
When suddenly, out of nowhere, you fell and collapsed
[glow=red,2,300]The doctor said it was cancer, and you'd had it ever since last year in June
When we first met, on that rainy afternoon[/glow]
The one I did for school continues, but without the above stanza, and instead continues with the following
Sitting in the hospital, along came the nurse
She said they found drugs in your system, and then I found it in your purse
My heart could not believe it, how you could keep something like that from me
Sitting there, confused, filled with uncertainty
So they hauled you off to rehab, where we might never see each other again
Leaving me all alone, with no one, not even a friend
And when you finally got out, we all thought you were clean
You moved back in with me, until one day you were nowhere to be seen
Everything was gone; my clothes, the furniture, even the TV
You disappeared forever
Good job, woman, you really tricked me
I don't mind honest criticism. I know the sentences are a little too long for poem material, but it was free-form more than anything and I just tried to go with the flow.