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Post by madkill on Jun 9, 2008 12:18:57 GMT -5
SanitationAttempts of conjuring skill, dragging out the expertise, filling every aspect, but still stood standing, the race I’m losing that can’t be redone no second chances I must go on pushing my skill forcing my expertise onwards spewing out my aspects finally making the draw losing control losing balance too many to carry on gripping the floor failing to recuperate wounds stretching my flesh spilling all my dreams my hope falling behind making one last push striking past my opponents so long have I tried the finish line is reached... {Link}
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Post by falseprophet on Jun 23, 2008 14:23:29 GMT -5
I've read a lot of your poetry, Madkill, and I think I should be given a prize for my perseverance. Your poems could be blurred together into one boring, jarring and totally insincere block of words. There is no meaning to it all, it's just adolescent whimperings and delusions of grandeur. You're not a samurai, you're not some loner at school who everyone makes fun of but actually has super powers and will go back and burn down the school killing all the bullies (well the first part may be true), you're just an uninteresting and untalented poet who churns out his work like a factory that's producing sub-standard condoms for the 3rd world. Reading your poems gives me nosebleeds as I strain through the poor rhyming, terrible syntax and lack of meaning or empathy.
If you had attempted to improve your poetry in the some 100 posts you've made I would've been more sympathetic to your plight, but the fact is that you just keep clicking the 'post' button, not giving a crap about the worthless drivel you churn out. I'd also be sympathetic if you were writing stuff that was close to you personally, like bereavement or other emotional problems you have, but you've confessed to using the "emotions themselves" not your own feelings. If such a feat were possible then robots would be able to write sonnets to rival the Bard himself. If you could use a cri de coeur to inspire you then you'd at least have some genuine feeling behind a poem, and could use that to make the words flow freely and unimpededly. Have a go, what's the worst that could happen?
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Post by madkill on Jun 23, 2008 16:17:35 GMT -5
I'm sorry for your loss I truely am. but poetry that well...constantly rhymes with the next word under it is medicore stuff...sorta like pretencious shitty rap(retards attempting poetry). How yes, I know I'm not good but in all, I'm not that bad either. I do love how this has suddenly appeared because of possibly the comments on here -> pwgboards.proboards52.com/index.cgi?board=genpoet&action=display&thread=133But all in all, I keep writing, true though I don't post everything on here, mostly the minimum, but the base of this simple reason is. This is a Prose Forum to be honest, enough of that is self-explainatory. In all, that isn't even constructive criticism which is even worse. Hah... Basically, because you don't understand how to either read my poems or relate to them in anyway(probably because you may not understand them) causes you distress and annoyance. if you don't like them, don't read them to be honest and furthermore, don't comment on them unless it's going to be remotely constructive. Thankyou for your rambling, good-bye.
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Post by falseprophet on Jun 23, 2008 18:22:52 GMT -5
I'm sorry for your loss I truely [sic] am. Use that feeling of being truly sorry to write me a poem, from the heart. but poetry that well...constantly rhymes with the next word under it is medicore [sic] stuff...sorta like pretencious [sic] shitty rap(retards attempting poetry). My main criticism of your posts is not that they don't have rhyming couplets, but that they just generally weren't up to much at all. Do you understand the concept of poetic metre? Because it's not evident from the examples on this forum. It seems your poetry writing process is just a haphazard sprinkling of words that sound good in your head. How yes, I know I'm not good but in all, I'm not that bad either. At least you recognise your faults, albeit to a small degree. The best thing you can do is just read loads of poems. From reading what you're trying to do, I'd recommend taking a look at Seamus Heaney's poetry, as he is a free verse maestro. Love! Another emotion, use it! Yes it's true I posted my previous message after reading your unelaborated "critique" of Shinobi-Iri's poem, but compare your "I just don't like it" to what I've been saying here. At least I've elaborated on the flaws of your poetry, though I could be more specific (I haven't the time to trawl through half of the tens of poems you've flushed into the great sewage system of the internet). But all in all, I keep writing, true though I don't post everything on here, mostly the minimum, but the base of this simple reason is. This is a Prose Forum to be honest, enough of that is self-explainatory. [sic] No this isn't a "Prose Forum". We're in the Poetry forum, in the General Poetry sub-section. The prose section is elsewhere on Phoenix Reborn. Do you even know what prose is? You're probably talking about "free verse", but the fact remains you've no idea what you're doing or what you're talking about. In all, that isn't even constructive criticism which is even worse. Hah... And your one liner to Shinobi was constructive? What I've posted in this message has hopefully elaborated on my earlier points. It will be constructive if you either write better poems or stop writing "poems", for everyone's sake. Basically, because you don't understand how to either read my poems or relate to them in anyway(probably because you may not understand them) causes you distress and annoyance. It can be said that your "poems" (the inverted commas suggesting the loosest use of the word) are an insult to humanity. I'm pro-humans and so find this distressing. But enough petty jibes, I just think your wasting cyber forests by posting the crap you come up with. You post new poems so quickly that my verbal rectum has only just recovered from ejecting the peristaltic verbage of your last poetic assault! if you don't like them, don't read them to be honest and furthermore, don't comment on them unless it's going to be remotely constructive. I try not to read them, but it's sort of like one of those things you know you shouldn't do but do anyway. Poe called it the Perverse. It really is hard to be constructive with your stuff because it's not like putting up metaphorical wallpaper, it's laying the poem's foundations and putting up all the scaffolding etc. etc. Thankyou for your rambling, goodbye. And thank you for the multitude of rambling "poems" that you've already graced this forum with and probably intend to continue gracing for many months to come. But I suggest taking a break from putting quill to parchment and maybe thinking a little about what poetry is. Maybe actually learning what the words: prose (ie: not poetry), free verse, metre, rhyming all are first would help you a wee bit. Read as much poetry as you can get your hands on and learn from the masters - you can still do your own thing. I hope you improve, but you obviously don't have the attitude or perhaps ability to do so. If you think what I've posted is harsh, why not try posting some of your work on the larger, more serious poetry forums that cluster the net. You will receive critical enemas so fast you'll be spewing coffee-water from your mouth. And if you criticise the critic like you've done with your post directed to me, you'll be out of there as quick as you can say 'William Shakespeare'. PS: Learn to spell. I've put [sic]'s where you've gone wrong. There's even a spell check function on this forum so you've no excuse.
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Post by madkill on Jun 23, 2008 20:26:21 GMT -5
of course you are relating your own talents..
PS: Sewage of the Internet or whatever? lol...that sorta relates to the title of this 'poem'
PS: Oh!..another thing, why are you proclaiming me as someone who posts poetry thinking they're great at it?..I don't care, it's a small hobby the fact of the matter is and as you clearly have stated, this doesn't strike to you as good. Okay, it's not that I'm bad it's because what I write does not 'compute' with what you see as poetry, nothing wrong with that, you're just not part of 'this' audience I guess, or something along the lines of that. I'll admit that this poem isn't one of my 'good ones' but oh well. Thing is, the point of what you're saying to summarise would be. "The Poetry is just Pretentious Bullshit"
Please, do elaborate more because there are keen eyes. ^^
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Post by Shinobi-Iri (nick) on Jun 24, 2008 1:33:51 GMT -5
Wow guys, and to think this all started because of one of my lame poems. Look, I can understand where both of you are coming from, nobody's mind works the same way. For that reason, we all have different ideas of what sounds good...it's why Britney Spears is still making music, it's why fascism was invented, and it's why this forum was created. So everybody could share their own work and give their own opinions.
Now Madkill, I'm not comparing your poems to Britney Spears or fascism, I quite like most of them. But I can't actually berate falseprophet because he is criticizing your poetry, as viciously as he may be doing so. I'll have to ask you guys to continue your argument outside the boundaries of poetry elsewhere so, as this is a place to feed back people, not rip them in half.
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Post by madkill on Jun 24, 2008 2:37:53 GMT -5
I'm like 3 phonebooks when it comes to being 'ripped' so nothing was damaged if at most a little torn. ^^;
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Post by falseprophet on Jun 24, 2008 6:08:46 GMT -5
I apologise for lambasting you like that last night, but in my defence there was no Jack Daniel's in the house. I've outlined some ideas for you to mull through below and hope that you gain at least something from them. Recommendations: - Read more poetry: Seamus Heaney, Carol Ann Duffy in particular as they were part of the avant garde of modern free verse (which is what you're going for?) - You're suggesting your poetry doesn't need to "compute", and yes that's true. These guys /\ broke the mould, but don't think for one minute that they weren't influenced by their predecessors.
- Look up the words prose, free verse, poetic metre (or meter) and rhyme on your internet - Wikipedia is a good place to start.
- Consider what messages you're trying to get across, and make sure you have empathy for your subject. Do you think Heaney could've put any feeling into 'At a Potato Digging' (title says it all!) if his family weren't farmers in Ireland? But of course it's not simply about digging up taters, it's about family, tradition, generations etc.
- Have a look back at your poems and think about what's good about them and what's not so good. When you starting writing again just take your time, don't think you need to hit 'post' immediately. Maybe chew it over a day or two to make sure you get across what you want in the way that you want.
If you want to discuss any of your poems one on one then drop me an email at: bon [dot] labrousse [at] hotmail [dot] co [dot] uk There are some positives to your work, something I didn't make clear yesterday, but yeah there's some work needed. It's up to you whether or not you want to improve, I've really offered all the assistance I can as I'm not an English teacher, but as I said if you wanted to discuss anything poetical then I'd be more than happy to lend an ear or I guess an eye in this case. Cheers
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Post by Shinobi-Iri (nick) on Jun 24, 2008 6:13:14 GMT -5
THAT'S what we're looking for...suggestions to improve rather than mindless blasting. Excellent work falseprophet...
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Post by madkill on Jun 24, 2008 7:51:11 GMT -5
thanks for the offer but there is nothing im 'going for' but my own individual style I guess. In all, I don't take much into consideration, this is only a hobby and I don't really have any ideas of forcing myself to improve.
Thanks anyway
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