Post by pixie on Apr 18, 2008 22:34:45 GMT -5
I was walking through the supermarket with my father when I spotted a horror beyond belief. A packet of Cheezels was lying in the middle of the aisle. 'Dear God!' I thought aloud. 'Who would do such a horrible thing?' Immediately I ran over to the food and cradled it in my arms. 'Don't worry I will find a good home for you.' I opened the packet and began wolfing down the delightful cheesy snack.
'Marshall!' my father called to me. Flinching I spun around, choking on a half-eaten mouthful of food. 'What do you think you're doing? I'm going to have to pay for that now!' I swallowed the food and grinned at the large pulsating vein protruding from my father's forehead. He was getting old, and fat, and bald. He must be going on forty now. Thank God I was still young.
'Don't worry they're cheap.' I replied and continued munching. He glared at me coldly with his deep blue eyes and I wondered if I'd gone too far. He stormed over to me, grabbed my shirt and pulled us through the checkout, reluctantly paying for my stolen snack.
This was the story of my life. Ever since mum died "Old Jimmy" as the locals call him, has been picking on every little thing I do. I skip school; he punishes me, I eat Cheezels; he punishes me, I set the cat on fire; he punishes me, I eat Cheezels; he punishes me, the list goes on. I really like Cheezels…
As we arrived back home I threw myself on my bed and prepared for another lecture and sure enough it came. So as not to bore you I shall repeat only the most amusing part:
'Dammit Marshall I don't know what's wrong with you lately. You have no friends and a strange obsession with cheesy snacks. Don't think I don’t know about that stash of Cheezels under your bed. I don't know where you're getting the money, but when I find out I swear I'll put a stop to it. And get some exercise, you're getting fat.'
As he left I looked down at my stomach, suddenly self conscious. I jumped up and dashed to the mirror to check myself out. I flicked back my yellow hair and looked at my old black Batman shirt and faded jeans. My tummy was flat. I don't know what he's on about. Sure I'm a little tall for a twelve year old but doesn't that just make me even more perfect?
I sighed in relief and pulled my treasure chest out from under the floorboards beneath my bed. Now these were my real friends: packets upon packets of delicious Cheezels. I stuffed a bag into my backpack and replaced the chest in its rightful spot. I went to leave my room but after a moment's contemplation I realized that I was heading into disaster. I couldn't possibly leave the house right now. Not without at least one more bag of Cheezels.
I waltzed down the hallway purposefully and stopped at my mum's photo to give her a kiss and say goodbye. 'Dad I'm going to Simon's place.' I called out as I sprinted out the door. I heard a disgruntled yell from the lounge room but fled the house too fast for anyone to catch me.
After racing down a few streets I came to my usual hideout in an abandoned shop a couple of blocks away. Breaking in the back door I was home again. I slouched down onto my beanbag and turned on the radio so I could listen to some music while I enjoyed my treat. Yet something stopped me. Something had changed here. The vibe was different.
My eyes adjusted to the dim light and looked to the other side of the room. A group of children about my age were standing huddled around a small fire. So that's what's different I thought to myself absently, continuing to chomp on my Cheezels. How peculiar.
Out of the blue I received a shock. My favorite song was playing on the radio for the first time in years. My hand shot up in the air victoriously 'Yes!' I shouted nodding my head in agreement with the music. This DJ was my new best friend.
The strange little people turned to me with abnormal yellow eyes that seemed to glow in the dark. I squinted at them and clutched my food protectively. They were mine.
'It is the Cheezel Boy!' one of them screamed. They all began chanting something unintelligible.
'Umm…yes…' I muttered. What the hell was going on here? I was gripped with an uncharacteristic fear as they approached me like a giant cloud of black smoke. I noticed they were all wearing black cloaks with strange markings on them. 'You can't have any!' I cried as I hid my Cheezel packet with the unopened one in my back pack and shielded them with my body.
'Relax Cheezel Boy, we don't want any of your Cheezels.' a voice said. The boy stepped forward and removed his hood.
'Oh! Shaun mate, you scared me!' I laughed. Shaun laughed with me and shook my hand.
'So C.B. you wanna join us?' he asked cheerfully. I nodded and got up. I stared back down at my Cheezels. 'I promise we won't eat your Cheezels.' Shaun assured me rolling his eyes.
I smiled at him and he led me back to the fire with the rest of the group. I watched awestruck as he drew a hidden knife from his belt. Then stood frozen as another member pulled a cat out of an old sack and Shaun gleefully stabbed it with his blade. My smile faded as they began to chant again and threw the dead body in the fire.
'Okay so you don't like cats.' I said slowly, 'But did you have to do that in here? Now this place will stink.'
Shaun shrugged, 'Seemed like a good idea at the time. It's a sacrifice to curse Ms. Yatama. You know the Math teacher that fails everyone and pays people out?'
'Oh, well that changes everything then.' I remarked coolly. These people were a bit loopy. 'You guys want some Cheezels?' I asked, not sure what to do or say. Shaun looked at the others who nodded in agreement. 'Okay then…'
I walked slowly over to my backpack, careful not to make any sudden movements in the presence of such eccentric people. When I reached it I swung it onto my back and pointed at Shaun accusingly. 'You promised you wouldn't eat my Cheezels! You evil, evil children! Go to hell!' I screamed.
Shaun shrieked and wailed in pain and I wondered what I had done. All of a sudden Shaun was on fire. His cloak must have caught on the small blaze that the group had started. He dropped to the ground and rolled around until the flame went out.
The group removed their hoods and bowed down on their knees to me. 'Oh great and powerful Cheezel Boy, will you be our new leader?' they invited in perfect harmony.
'Umm…sure!' I answered. After all, this could be interesting, and if I was their leader I could have all the Cheezels I ever want and no one would dare take them away from me. Mwahahaha!
The End.
'Marshall!' my father called to me. Flinching I spun around, choking on a half-eaten mouthful of food. 'What do you think you're doing? I'm going to have to pay for that now!' I swallowed the food and grinned at the large pulsating vein protruding from my father's forehead. He was getting old, and fat, and bald. He must be going on forty now. Thank God I was still young.
'Don't worry they're cheap.' I replied and continued munching. He glared at me coldly with his deep blue eyes and I wondered if I'd gone too far. He stormed over to me, grabbed my shirt and pulled us through the checkout, reluctantly paying for my stolen snack.
This was the story of my life. Ever since mum died "Old Jimmy" as the locals call him, has been picking on every little thing I do. I skip school; he punishes me, I eat Cheezels; he punishes me, I set the cat on fire; he punishes me, I eat Cheezels; he punishes me, the list goes on. I really like Cheezels…
As we arrived back home I threw myself on my bed and prepared for another lecture and sure enough it came. So as not to bore you I shall repeat only the most amusing part:
'Dammit Marshall I don't know what's wrong with you lately. You have no friends and a strange obsession with cheesy snacks. Don't think I don’t know about that stash of Cheezels under your bed. I don't know where you're getting the money, but when I find out I swear I'll put a stop to it. And get some exercise, you're getting fat.'
As he left I looked down at my stomach, suddenly self conscious. I jumped up and dashed to the mirror to check myself out. I flicked back my yellow hair and looked at my old black Batman shirt and faded jeans. My tummy was flat. I don't know what he's on about. Sure I'm a little tall for a twelve year old but doesn't that just make me even more perfect?
I sighed in relief and pulled my treasure chest out from under the floorboards beneath my bed. Now these were my real friends: packets upon packets of delicious Cheezels. I stuffed a bag into my backpack and replaced the chest in its rightful spot. I went to leave my room but after a moment's contemplation I realized that I was heading into disaster. I couldn't possibly leave the house right now. Not without at least one more bag of Cheezels.
I waltzed down the hallway purposefully and stopped at my mum's photo to give her a kiss and say goodbye. 'Dad I'm going to Simon's place.' I called out as I sprinted out the door. I heard a disgruntled yell from the lounge room but fled the house too fast for anyone to catch me.
After racing down a few streets I came to my usual hideout in an abandoned shop a couple of blocks away. Breaking in the back door I was home again. I slouched down onto my beanbag and turned on the radio so I could listen to some music while I enjoyed my treat. Yet something stopped me. Something had changed here. The vibe was different.
My eyes adjusted to the dim light and looked to the other side of the room. A group of children about my age were standing huddled around a small fire. So that's what's different I thought to myself absently, continuing to chomp on my Cheezels. How peculiar.
Out of the blue I received a shock. My favorite song was playing on the radio for the first time in years. My hand shot up in the air victoriously 'Yes!' I shouted nodding my head in agreement with the music. This DJ was my new best friend.
The strange little people turned to me with abnormal yellow eyes that seemed to glow in the dark. I squinted at them and clutched my food protectively. They were mine.
'It is the Cheezel Boy!' one of them screamed. They all began chanting something unintelligible.
'Umm…yes…' I muttered. What the hell was going on here? I was gripped with an uncharacteristic fear as they approached me like a giant cloud of black smoke. I noticed they were all wearing black cloaks with strange markings on them. 'You can't have any!' I cried as I hid my Cheezel packet with the unopened one in my back pack and shielded them with my body.
'Relax Cheezel Boy, we don't want any of your Cheezels.' a voice said. The boy stepped forward and removed his hood.
'Oh! Shaun mate, you scared me!' I laughed. Shaun laughed with me and shook my hand.
'So C.B. you wanna join us?' he asked cheerfully. I nodded and got up. I stared back down at my Cheezels. 'I promise we won't eat your Cheezels.' Shaun assured me rolling his eyes.
I smiled at him and he led me back to the fire with the rest of the group. I watched awestruck as he drew a hidden knife from his belt. Then stood frozen as another member pulled a cat out of an old sack and Shaun gleefully stabbed it with his blade. My smile faded as they began to chant again and threw the dead body in the fire.
'Okay so you don't like cats.' I said slowly, 'But did you have to do that in here? Now this place will stink.'
Shaun shrugged, 'Seemed like a good idea at the time. It's a sacrifice to curse Ms. Yatama. You know the Math teacher that fails everyone and pays people out?'
'Oh, well that changes everything then.' I remarked coolly. These people were a bit loopy. 'You guys want some Cheezels?' I asked, not sure what to do or say. Shaun looked at the others who nodded in agreement. 'Okay then…'
I walked slowly over to my backpack, careful not to make any sudden movements in the presence of such eccentric people. When I reached it I swung it onto my back and pointed at Shaun accusingly. 'You promised you wouldn't eat my Cheezels! You evil, evil children! Go to hell!' I screamed.
Shaun shrieked and wailed in pain and I wondered what I had done. All of a sudden Shaun was on fire. His cloak must have caught on the small blaze that the group had started. He dropped to the ground and rolled around until the flame went out.
The group removed their hoods and bowed down on their knees to me. 'Oh great and powerful Cheezel Boy, will you be our new leader?' they invited in perfect harmony.
'Umm…sure!' I answered. After all, this could be interesting, and if I was their leader I could have all the Cheezels I ever want and no one would dare take them away from me. Mwahahaha!
The End.